Jack’s Word Adventures

Would alternate Jack be my friend on Facebook? April 25, 2008

On our way home, my mother and I thought about how weird it was that I was sitting next to her. Not because the restraining order had finally been lifted, but because we were wondering what would have happened if my parents had prematurely moved out of the house where they ended up conceiving my older brother. I think it’s located somewhere in TMI County.

Anyway, it basically got us talking about how if the timing were different, the whole chain of procreation would have been affected. She’d probably still have a kid sitting next to her in the car, but it mostly likely wouldn’t be your Jackness.

Here’s where she’s wrong. There was no chance I was not making it out of that chick for the following reasons: I’m a survivor, I’m a strong swimmer, I’m not gonna give up, I’m competitive, I’m not gonna stop, I believe in synergy, I’m gonna work harder, and finally, I’m a survivor I’m gonna make it I will survive keep on survivin’.

For some reason she needed further clarification so I said, “Ann, let’s put it this way — I’m the cream of the crop.”

Good news, where are you hiding? April 25, 2008

Somewhere in a cave with Osama bin Laden? Or is it a shallow grave? Or in heaven with 99 virgins???

I am a media sponge. Normally I just soak in trashy reality shows — like Your Mama Don’t Dance, Bill Moyers Journal, and The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer — but you can’t help hearing about the economy, Bush’s cycle of sucking/record low approval ratings, the never-ending Democratic race as John McNeardeath gains supporters, climate change, boycotting Beijing, possible actors strike, STAR JONES’S MARRIAGE ENDING, etc.

You can’t escape it. When I eat my meals, alone, at Subway, it’s supposed to be a respite. But no. Because there’s a TV, I get to hear about double-digit shootings, unseasonal weather, and trains flying into people in the very city where I eat my sweet onion chicken teriyaki on Italian with a side Sun Chips and without friends.

And it doesn’t end there. Now they’re* saying that the internet will reach it’s capacity in 2010 and, you know, end like A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila season 1 (heterosexually). Still, I guess I’m lucky it’s 2008 because I won’t even have an outlet for complaining about bad news in 2010.

*Probably the same people who are behind all of the catastrophes in the second paragraph (‘cept the Star Jones thing… that dude was just straight up gay).

Best YT v ever? April 23, 2008

Sexy bloggers think in 2′s April 21, 2008

1.  Chicago is friendly.  Headline: 21 shot in Chicago over the weekend; police step up patrols

I’m going to be really t.o.-ed if this turns out to be some elaborate marketing scheme for the film, 21.  It would still be less annoying than the one for Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  (O.K. you got me, I like it.)

2.  I would LOVE to have a job in Product Name Development or something at a generic brand like Market Pantry.  Seriously, “Thin Wheats”?  “Rippled” potato chips?  I’ve heard of passive aggressive before but not passive competitive.  See, even that’s a slightly tweaked version of the original!

Question April 2, 2008

Is there an Americatown in Shanghai?  Beijing?  Hong Kong?